many personhood-central things along the curl to here i have lightly, or not so lightly, lost. or tossed. and as with all nows, this now will vanish and is really nothing but a single flashing, a bulge of possibility with little information as to the direction of next--of the zing. and like all the others, this time is one for a bit of retrospective tracing and a lot of opening up to the unmapped. (is it real, this moment, or is it just momentum?)---during the zip between then and next we carry memories, and happily today i stumbled upon this one, in a conversation, this not-lost thing, and re-realized my religion. and that i do in fact believe its creed. and practice it.
i try to assure people that i really Really am calm, i really Really am ok, even if along with the losses-- desired or otherwise--i am sometimes crushed,--but how to translate above that fact the gains achieved alongside, and the sigh of relief upon recognizing oneself, again, still, and/or maybe despite? and that that is sometimes all that matters.
the following articulation, this quote, comes from Jeanette Winterson, a contemporary author i favor. i have it tattooed on my bloodstream, (my only tattoo) and have had ever since i discovered it in the early 90's. it is from her book The Passion. when i read it, it may have been the first time i have felt recognized, or reflected somehow. (i've made friends and have maybe lost them over this book...--it is an important part of my story.)
You play, you win, you play, you lose. You play.
It’s the playing that’s irresistible.
Dicing from one year to the next with the things you love,
what you risk reveals what you value.
It’s the playing that’s irresistible.
Dicing from one year to the next with the things you love,
what you risk reveals what you value.
right this very moment, as you are reading this, you and i may be friends or strangers. in either case, you know me now.
Magnificat! (Μεγαλύνει !)
ReplyDeletei couldn't help myself, seeing that '0 comments' stuff. sounded lonely, or unappreciative ... and that must not stand.
thank you for the quote, and the reference. i only know the pit version (see the layout of the theatre in shakespeare's day): you win some, you lose some, some get rained out, but you dress for them all.
interesting that jeanette winterson's book is entitled "the passion" - i seem to recall that from my religious past somewhere ... joseph campbell proposed that his hero (of a thousand faces) must drive his (or her) own path through the forest on his (or her) quest (note that i got the order wrong on the her /his, again), and that it not sufficient to simply follow someone else's. it sounds very much like you are on your path - if you knew where it was going in detail, it wouldn't be much of a quest. live the journey, with passion. and thanks, from me to you. if i may, my very good friend. be'shalom.
i like that you look at every single word from many angles, and question why they are there and what they really are. each word is important--it is there for a reason. it is the reason that is the fun of it all--and thoughtless words are junk. **(we must remember it was also shakespeare who wrote: a rose by any other name... .)
ReplyDeletethank you for the conversation. i like.